Everyone's favorite holiday is here...Black and Blue Friday.  Before correcting me that it is actually Thanksgiving...not anymore.  People get upset over stores opening earlier on Thanksgiving night every year.  Well geniuses, who are the people showing up at these stores to purchase refurbished electronics, 1/2 priced bath towels, and a 2 dollar Blu-ray?  Very few people I actually know line up for these door buster deals.  When I say door buster...that is literally.  There is some language.  You should watch the whole thing, people turn into crazed lunatics and are literally laying on top of a washing machine while others are beating him off of it.  The very end is awesome.  The store has police lined up in front of the store.  The store manager is on a mega phone asking for the first 40 people to please line up.  The cops were destroyed or run for their lives.

Let loose the dogs of war....errr Black Friday

Are these people or animals?  Watch the very beginning.  The employees basically say screw this and act as if it's the running of the bulls is about to begin.  Do you blame them?  People are tearing the doors down to get that deal on a stroller or set of plastic forks. The people who film these events deserve a medal for bravery.  I thank them for the entertainment value of these videos and posting them for my enjoyment.  The people I know that are planning on lining up this year are "are going for the experience".  Thankfully, most people I know plan to stay home as a protest and actually enjoy their time off with friends and family.

Here is why I call it Black and Blue Friday

Black Friday Stampede

I will begin by saying I have no sympathy for those sheep that were injured.  You lined up in that corral to begin with.  One of those guys is a fairly burly dwarf without the beard.  The one closest to the camera.  He decides to keep on going after almost being killed.  Don't give up, that Blu-ray, Battlefield Earth, is just out of reach and can be yours for 2 dollars!  That movie should be free if not just thrown out by the way.  But who cares?  It's only 2 dollars!  He can barely stand yet he sees the masses that might beat him to that crock pot that he was planning on getting his wife so she can prepare him a nice roast for Christmas. Maybe she can bring him the dinner for his stay at the hospital for punctured lung and disc rupture he appears to have suffered. The guy in the background looks like he is in tears.  While I may be wrong, it looks like he got someone to get him on that cart to use as a walker so he could find some paper cups for a buck.  And you say, but Rob, nobody fights over paper cups.  I am willing to bet if they go berserk over towels going on sale for 1.28 at Wal-Mart, they will go nuts over anything.  Observe.

Towel frenzy

As soon as that balloon goes up that says $1.28, all hell breaks loose.  They don't even look what is in the box.  For all they know there could be a bunch of boxes with fake poop in there.  Doesn't matter, it only cost $1.28.  You would think there was gold in that box or a jackpot lotto ticket.  Merry Christmas, I mauled and brutalized 10 people to get you these towels.  I can see this at traditional Christmas Eve parties, and the entire family looking at you with a face of why did you get me a towel?  "You may not need them, but they were only a buck."  "You should have seen riot I survived to get them, but you are worth it!"

4GB Memory card war

While this video is a couple of years old, 4GB memory cards have been cheap for years.  Whatever store this was at probably had them in the back collecting dust for years.  It's like the zombies from World War Z or 28 Days Later when that plastic comes off.  The store employees probably received promotions for finding a way to clear the warehouse out of these, not to mention a ton of glee and enjoyment watching the cattle stampede for the product.

If you search on YouTube long enough, you can find people bragging about how they camped out for 3 days.  I watched one video where 30 people run through before one guy going by cheering that he is the first one.  Dude...30 people just about ran you down and 100 more went by while you stopped to pose for the camera and show the internets you didn't know right from left and front from back.  Hopefully he got some towels for a great deal.

If I were younger, this time of year would be great fun.  Drive by water balloonings would be great.  Super Soakers would probably be better.  Pull up and tell everyone the Wal-Mart in the next town down is opening early and they have stuff on sale for $1.28, but you better hurry.  Even better, I should pull up with a bunch of used socks and sell them for 50 cents.  Probably wouldn't survive the onslaught of takers.  Get a megaphone, "Attention, for the next 5 minutes there are socks on sale in the parking lot for 50 cents until supplies last!"  In fact just tell people there are socks in the back of the lot for 30 cents and watch the wave of flesh and Gor-Tex rush the lot.  Have to be sure I am long gone before people realize there are no socks.  I might get murdered or charged with public disruption for starting a riot.

One of the guys I work with has a part time job at Target.  He lives right next to it.  He has the pleasure of having to leave his family dinner early just so he can park by his home.  Otherwise the streets will be full of bumper to bumper parking.  I just read a story yesterday about people who have been camping out in front of Best Buy for 11 days.  Do you have a life?  Hopefully they had PTO at their jobs.  They are in tents with Microwaves and TVs.  "Hey Joe, where are you going for your 11 day vacation?"  "I'mma campin' out front 'o Best Buy and git me a TV!"  Sounds like fun...........  If you don't have the PTO, where are you getting your money to survive there much less buy anything.  Oh, I know, you decided to cash in on your 401k or took out a second mortgage for the experience of being there.

The best way to prove to people how stupid they are for shopping at Black and Blue Friday events is that they could just use the internet and actually get better products for better deals.  Can even take their time instead of rushing to get that 3 dollar Blu-ray that is 6 years old having no clue they just bought Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Yes, these are blanket statements.  If this little post got your panties in a bunch, you are most likely a supporter of this crap.  You have stores opening at 6:00 pm on Thanksgiving night.  Scrooge would even be stunned.  What is worse is all of the people who are going to show up.  "Hey guys, I know it's only 1 o'clock,but we have to get to Wal-Mart."

If you plan on showing up for this holiday from hell, you are contributing to people who will lose their jobs if they don't show up to help the denizens of hell who want that plastic cutlery.

Here is a boss everyone should have.

Manager refuses to open Pizza Hut franchise on Thanksgiving

Who in the hell wants pizza for Thanksgiving?  Maybe Pizza Hut planned on having pizza for half off to compete with Wal-mart.   Although he may have been thinking of himself as well, do you blame him?  But who cares?  Pizza Hut offered the guy his job back after realizing the back lash they would get.  All of you shoppers are as bad as the corporate Pizza Hut execs.  So focused on getting a deal on a 2 year old electronic that you sacrifice time with your family and to relax.  You should bow your heads in shame.  This goes for everyone I know that plans on going to this joyous event.  You, yes you, are making it so these employees who are already abused, have to spend their holiday catering to you.  They have to be there 2 hours early to open the damn store.  So if Wal-mart is opening at 6 pm, that means they had to be to work at 4 pm.  Hope they enjoyed their "day off".  If you have any compassion or morals, speak with your wallets and don't go.  If you do go, enjoy your holiday....jackass.

Daylight Savings.

So everyone's favorite day is here.  Daylight savings rollback!  While I really don't care either way, there are some people out there who are outraged.  The arguments for and against are equally inane.  I don't know where to start so here goes.

Mind blown..

Well alright then.  This beauty is from Australia.  I wasn't aware they had adopted DST in Australia until now.  Apparently an hour switch is adding extra heat and daylight to Mother Earth and her delicate atmosphere.  So in March, we go from a 24 hour day to a 25 hour day some how.  The time continuum has been broken.  At least in Australia, they get an extra hour of heat and daylight.  In the third paragraph of Galileo's letter to the editor, he says it is so logical.  The cause of global warming has been discovered.  Don't push that hour button on your clocks anymore.  Hopefully this was written on April 1st.  

But many people take this seriously.  Here is another treasure from the internets.

Daylight Stupid Time

I will save you the time and post some of the best lines of the serious research this person comes up with.

"It has now been shown that stress causes obesity. The stresses caused by the time change add to this."

Huh?  Daylight savings is so stressful that you can get chubby from it?  The guy was clever enough to call it Daylight Stouter Time.  Now we know why people are gaining weight around Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It isn't due to our caloric intake but the fact that my body and mind are adjusting to this traumatic experience.

"People are mad, because government has the power to do this to them. This adds to the stress, and to the obesity."

Hahahahaha.  Very scientific argument there.  That sentence speaks for itself.

"The time change causes auto accidents by changing lighting conditions, in addition to the added stress on the drivers from the circadian clock change. This is a real cost, which raises insurance rates."

Well he did use a big word, circadian.  How about just saying body clock instead of trying to make yourself sound intelligent with a stupid comment?  How long did he spend in the Thesaurus looking that up?  Last I checked, most auto accidents are due to people not paying attention or being drunk or just flat out being stupid.  So the next time my family's auto insurance goes up, I know that DST was the cause. Insurance companies should take advantage of this...I mean this guy offers up undeniable proof.

 Dear Mr. and Mrs. Fisher,  we are sorry to inform that due to DST, your rates had to be adjusted with the time.  You will have to pay 100 dollars extra every quarter.  We appreciate your patronage and hope to continue to serve you.  Please feel free to call us at 1-800-MOR-ONIC for any questions regarding this.

"It is impossible to program a VCR or DVD-R recorder to correctly record a show that spans the time change. Most VCRs can't do it right even if they are programmed correctly. Most record only part(s) of the program."

I would be less stressed about DST than the fact you are still using a VCR in the 21st century.  Did you use a 56k modem to post this on internet?  He wrote this after 2007 because he mentions this.

• And don't forget that in 2007 and later, older recorders will change time on the wrong date.

The end is nigh.  I don't think this guy belongs on the internet anymore.  His keyboard and mouse need to confiscated and his ISP needs to be contacted to remove him.  He also goes on about the TV schedules not being printed up correctly.  I didn't realize that TV guide was in major circulation anymore and if it is, apparently they don't have the intelligence to recognize that DST has kicked in.  I shouldn't be surprised, he is still using a VCR.  What is he recording at 2am that is so important?  I take that back, we don't want to know what sorts of unsavory things are on the airwaves at 2am.  That or is he just recording those multicolored bars with the annoying sound about being off the air.  There is more but my stupid tolerance level is quickly dropping.  He keeps referring to stress and how it is mostly caused by DST. One of his final statements

It's time to stop madly changing the time back and forth.

I agree, the time continuum will not recover.  We will actually have to hope that annoying English doctor with his magic screwdriver exists to repair the fabric of time.  DST is dangerous.  Someone actually did a 20 year study in Sweden about the effects of DST.  I am finding scientists to either be very bored or extra creative because the stuff they come up with to study is a 10/10 on the who gives a rat's ass scale.  Earlier last month I went on about scientists trying to determine the effects of Oreo cookies and how they are similar to Cocaine .  I didn't bother reading the DST study.  They spent 20 years studying the negative and positive effects of DST.  The title was enough for me. The effects don't matter.  What matters is they spent 2 decades on it.  After 20 years of studying the effects of DST I imagine they all felt like this. 

 Please click the link to find out.

Effects of studying daylight savings for 20 years

 I also felt like that after 10 mins of reading links and info for this post

Been really busy with work lately.  Have had a few people why I am not posting anything.  Just waiting for things to slow down.

Coffee and coffee pots need to be banned.

I believe it is time to call for the government to look at laws restricting the use of coffee pots, coffee, and the use of hot water to make said coffee.  Coffee is a dangerous weapon.

Give me your money....now!

My daughter pointed out a story she read on the web the other day about a guy who tried to rob a store with a cup of hot coffee.  Huh..what?  That is right, a robber with a cup of hot coffee tried to rob a convenience store.  He walks up to the counter with a cup of coffee and pretends to pay for it.  When the cashier comes out he tries to throw the coffee at the clerk.  I can see how this would potentially work.  If he had actually made contact with the clerks face instead of dumping it into the cash register.  I could not find the story anywhere so I had my daughter send me the link which is below because I got tired of searching.  The results I found while searching were quite interesting when looking this up...which is what made decide to write about it.  I didn't realize this guy's idea was not an original idea.

Coffee robbery

Hot coffee can cause some serious burns.  If anyone can recalls, McDonald's lost a law suit in the '90s because of some person with a low IQ spilled coffee on their lap.  That wasn't her fault obviously.  Actually it was and she is an idiot.  Even more idiotic is the judge and / or jury who agreed.  But back to business.

You don't have to read the story with the above link, just watch the surveillance video.  This guy knows his stuff.  Observe that he walks up like someone who owns the world and he is just some guy getting coffee.  Awesome just pours out from this guy.  Puts his money on the counter to "pay" for the coffee.  As the register opens he dumps the coffee out into the register or on the the cashier's leg.  Either way, not how the coffee should be used as a weapon.  I wonder if this was a spur of the moment decision.  He had money to put on the counter to get the guy to open the register and dumps the coffee all over the place.  If he did plan this out, he would have tossed that wonderful hotness into the guy's face and not had to worry about someone coming back with a gun to stop him.  This is the first reason that coffee needs to be registered as it could potentially get you shot when committing a crime.

It also seems that coffee, coffee pots, coffee pots filled with hot water and/or coffee are becoming a weapon of choice for criminals.  While looking for this story I came up with a cornucopia of crimes committed with coffee and coffee pots or people defending themselves with coffee and coffee pots.  Which I can understand.  I have taken and taught martial arts.  My instructors always said to be aware of and use your surroundings.  For example, a coworker asked me what I would do the other day if he came at me with a knife.  I had a full can of Dr. Pepper in my hand and I acted like I was going to bounce it off his skull and brain him with it while he came at me.  He agreed that would really hurt.  Ban soda in aluminum cans now as well.  So people and criminals are taking advantage of coffee.  I mean, it could really cause some damage.  In a criminal's case, it didn't really cost them anything.  Grab the pot with already prepared hot coffee and threaten to dump it on the victim.  I don't blame the victims, who wants 1st degree burns on their face, hands, other parts of the body?  Coffee dispensers need to be put behind bullet proof glass and given to you by a licensed handler.  Look at all these examples.

Coffee robbery

This clerk is being held hostage at the register with a coffee pot.  I am assuming it is really dangerous because the clerk just hands over the register.  I mean she is actually showing him how to get into the register.  Watch it.  She isn't anywhere near that pot, she could have just walked or ran the other direction or bounced that guy's dome off the pot as he is too busy trying to balance it and get into the register.  He is holding it rather menacingly after all. He is trying to hold the pot and the money at the same time in the same hand towards the end.  He isn't even trying at this point.  I hope he left her a tip because it looks like she gave him a towel to clean up with at the end.  I am waiting for people to point out she was probably scared.  At least they caught the guy 2 blocks away.  I can see it now, "Yo homey', watchu in for?"  "I robbed a place with a coffee pot dude."  Toughest guy in the cell block there. Either way, coffee and coffee pots are dangerous.

Robbery stopped by coffee pot

Wish I had the video for that one.  I can just tell you what happened here.  I just wanted to show this is another case of coffee assault or defense.  Guy tries to rob a place by climbing through the drive through window.  First worker starts throwing towels at the guy.........  I know I said be aware of and use your surroundings, but really?  Throwing a towel?  Unless that towel is loaded with some full cans of Dr. Pepper, not the best choice.  (See previous statement above about chucking a can of Dr. Pepper at someone in self defense).  The second employee was more aware.  Grabbed a coffee pot and smashed it over the would be robber's head.  No more robbery attempt there.  I just about got my head about caved in by a coffee pot, think I'll move on.  Somehow that guy walked away.  Wonder if he had an admantium skull.  (Comic book reference)  

Robbery foiled with hot coffee

Read it, it's short and amusing.  Favorite line from that article is the guy that lives next to the store and found it particularly unsettling that a gun was used.  I find it unsettling that coffee was used as a weapon of self defense against a guy with a gun.  I could go on and on.  Do a Google or Yahoo! search for coffee pot robbery.  The results will amaze you.

I call upon and Congress and the POTUS to look at the issue of protecting criminals and law abiding citizens alike from coffee and coffee pots.  This is serious.  I mean if someone can stop an armed gunman with coffee, what other terrible things can be done with this weapon?  I hope we can all come together and look at the dangers of coffee and coffee pots.  Something needs to be done.  I think we should look at coffee as a viable weapon of self defense.  Joggers could carry hot coffee like pepper spray.  Now that I think about it, that would almost worse if it was hot enough.  It could be used in robberies in the same way.  Outlaw coffee and make it illegal to ship into or export out of the United States!  Coffee is dangerous people...be wary.

I am sure most people by now have seen or heard about the two buffoons who tipped over a boulder in Goblin Valley located in Utah.  Which is where I am from.  If you have not seen the video you can check it out here.

Goblin Valley Doofs

It keeps getting better and better for these two specimens of pure stupidity.  Let's analyze the video for a minute here.  But before we do, I would like to say I am not some environmental, hippy activist who chains themselves to trees to save the environment.  Don't get me going.

So when Glenn "Muscles" Taylor begins pushing on this boulder it seemed fairly stable for something that has been there millions of years.  Too me it looks like a boulder on some mud.  But it is pretty cool how it is balanced on that mud.  He put his whole back into pushing it at first.  It obviously wasn't too stable because Glenn "Blubber Boy" Taylor was eventually able to topple that boulder over.  You have his buddy Dave Hall singing at him to wiggle it just a little bit.  Which is a terrible song in my opinion and a horrific image of watching Glenn wiggle it just a little bit.  If you go to YouTube to check out any sort of video regarding this song, the comments are overloaded with people talking about how the song gives them the idea of destroying a million year old Hoodoo formation or how stupid these guys are..  The people who wrote this song should be ecstatic, all the free publicity and being attached to the boulder boys.  So after "Muscles" puts his back into and "wiggling" that rock it starts to come loose.  Not quite satisfied that he has now created more of a booby trap to kill someone, he squeezes his boulder like frame in between a rock and said boulder and is able to finally accomplish his goal of destroying part of a National Park.

This is when Dave starts laughing like a Hyena who sucked down some Helium with the excitement of a giddy 3 year old at Christmas.  He then announces they have modified Goblin Valley and that a new Goblin Valley exists as if he was the almighty creator himself.  We then see Dave's mug who looks like Ernie from Sesame Street.  Only his eyes aren't as circular and big as the full harvest moon as is Ernie the muppet's.  Now when the obese Glenn knocks this boulder over, he and is color/dressed coordinated kid act like he scored the game winning touchdown from the Holiday Bowl in 1980.  His kid is wearing pink (at least they look pink) shoes, black socks, gray shorts, yellow shirt, and a Shirpa (spelling?) hat.  My 6 year old has more fashion sense.  Hell, my 2 year old has better color coordination.  Granted, the 2 year old wears the same 3 outfits.  Is this kid's outfit the new Scouting uniform put together by Mugatu from Zoolander?  I can see the name now..Scoutorama Elite!  When I was a scout and my son now is a scout, you are supposed to wear a scout uniform as well as the scout leaders.  Unless this was some week long activity.  Either way, neither one of these guys seems qualified to be scout leaders.  Seems as if the Boy Scouts of America agree as they just kicked them out yesterday or today.  Forrest Gump has a higher IQ.  I say this because that is not the first thing that comes to mind when I see a precariously balanced boulder.  To go and push the thing over.  Smart people would avoid it.  Instead, these two apes decided to ruin it.  Not only do they lack the common sense to avoid it, they post a video on YouTube of themselves doing it.  Apparently they don't know the laws regarding not defacing or "modifying" National Parks.

Now they are receiving death threats from around the world and a lot of people are insulting and bullying them. Welcome to the internet Curly and Moe.  The kid is the third stooge.  They made the excuse they were saving lives because some kid was about to walk beneath this dangerously balanced rock and would have died if they had not intervened.  Again, common sense says to avoid the area if it was really that dangerous.  You'll notice Dave had to move out of the way, though not much, but still had to move back a little bit when it tumbled in his direction before falling into the chasm.  Are these gentlemen able to see into the future to know that a child would die because of this murderous rock?  Sounds like an excuse my 13 year old makes when he slaps his younger sister because she was going to hit him or the 2 year old.

But wait, it gets better.  Mr Muscles, Glenn Taylor, was involved in a car accident four years ago, recently decided to file a law suit against a girl who struck him and 3 others.  None of the other people involved have ever complained or sued the offending family. His reason, $5,000 in medical costs for "great pain and suffering, disability, impairment, (and) loss of joys of life."  The only impairment I can see is his ability to deduce what an idiotic idea it was to knock over that boulder.  He is lucky the damn rock didn't roll in the opposite direction and crush him.  I am guessing he would suffer great pain and disability then.  By loss of joys of life, maybe his wife knows how stupid he is and makes him sleep in the other room.  He seems pretty happy he knocked the rock over and didn't seem like he was in much pain doing it.  Again, don't post a video of yourself knocking boulders over if you are suing someone for suffering, pain, and disability.  His lawyer is probably wondering why he is representing this genius and trying to figure a way to get out of representing him.  The judge will see that video and say, "Really?"  The case will probably last 5 minutes and Glenn "The Whale" Thomas (He really doesn't have that many muscles.  Seems that he has ample man boobs though) has put himself in more financial trouble if he decides to pursue this suit. Because if he does,the other family can come after him for court costs and possibly sue him.  So congratulations to Glenn and Dave, you have become famous and the poster children for stupidity this week. The memes you have brought upon yourselves will be bountiful for the next few months.  Enjoy.

Kim wants her Walk of Fame star.

So Kanye West and his dumb as a tree stump girlfriend Kim are upset she won't get a star on the Walk of Fame.  I can see why.  I mean she did make some sex tape that somehow was "accidentally" released over the internet.  Why she became famous for this is beyond comprehension. 

Here is a quote from the Huffington Post. "While Kardashian's boyfriend, Kanye West, made it known in his Oct. 9 appearance on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" that he thinks the mother of his only child shouldn't be shut out from receiving the honor because she's a reality star, the spokeswoman for the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce reiterates that she's not eligible."  

Hate to burst Kanye's bubble, but there is nothing real about any "reality" show.  So maybe he has a point.  I have never watched an episode of her show, Keeping up with the Kardashians.  Something for which I should be very grateful according to friends who were unfortunate enough to come across this abomination on TV.  Apparently it is a show where they follow the difficult life of these wealthy girls who have never worked a day in their lives.  I think by keeping up they mean keeping up with their stupidity and lack of common sense.  Most people can't keep up with inane antics of these people.

Kanye and Kim named their kid North.  Oh how clever.  Your dad's last name is West, I get it...North West, hahahahahahahaha!  Is his middle name Bynorth?

.

Give me my star!!

She married some pro basketball player.  I don't know his name and it doesn't matter because he was stupid enough to marry this classy gal.

Regarding her wedding.  Kim said, "We decided to film for the wedding.  And that was a decision that he and I made together.  But I think that, with any decisions in life, like, I spoke to a girl today who had cancer and we were talking about how this is such a hard thing for her.  But it taught her a big lesson on who her friends are and much about life.  She's 18.  And I was like, that's how I feel."

Ummmm, what? I am still trying recover the IQ points I just lost from reading that and actually posting it. Did she say this after getting kicked in the head by a mule? Deciding to film your fake wedding made you feel like an 18 year old with cancer?  This must have been a truly difficult time in your life to have to decide to put your made up wedding on TV.  I think her "husband" realized how bad it was to have his face and career associated with this genius because it was over in 72 days and before the episode even aired.

Another example of her wisdom. "I hate when women wear the wrong foundation color.  It might be the worst thing on the planet when they wear their makeup too light."

Again.....what?  Trying to wrap your mind around the lack of common sense this person has is like trying bend the very fabric of time and creating a wormhole.  This "lady" has the most unfortunate life I can think of. Becomes super rich after a failed attempt at a career in porn and then for some reason gets a show on TV about the exploits of her and her sisters trying to find the right pair of shoes to wear out for a day of shopping at Gucci.  Anyone who actually likes and follows this superstar of stupid has most likely been hit the head with a pillow case filled with a 12 pack.  Until next time.

Oreos are like cocaine?

Good friend of mine shared this tidbit of "news" about how the effects of eating Oreo cookies are pretty much like pounding some cocaine and how you risk becoming addicted to them.  Someone came up with a fascinating experiment.

Oreos compared to Cocaine

"Honohan said she is interested in examining the effects of high concentrations of fatty and sugary foods in lower-income areas where there tend to be higher rates of obesity."

What?  Was she sitting one shiny morning day dreaming about obese people in the ghetto?  Yes, ghetto.  Lower-income area is the politically correct term for ghetto.  How did they know that there are more fat people in the ghetto than say a middle class neighborhood in middle America?  Did they decide to stroll through the ghetto taking a head count of over weight people vs skinny people. I am sure they fit right in.  I wonder if they went to some under cover narcotics agents to learn how to accomplish this.

They decided to stick some rats in a cage with some rice cakes and Oreos.  It seems the rats chose the Oreos.  This should have been obvious before taking the time to cage some innocent rat in a box with an Oreo and rice cake.  I'll let you guess which one they chose.  Bland piece of cardboard or a piece of sweet flavored Crisco surrounded by chocolate flavored cardboard.  

They then started giving cocaine and morphine to these rats. So now you have rats eating Oreos and turning into junkies.  Why didn't they just have one of those people that dance around in front of Little Ceasar's Pizza in front of  the local Wal-Mart with a sign that said to come sign up for free Cocaine, Oreos, and Morphine?  I am sure there would have been plenty of human volunteers more than happy to apply for the position.  I can imagine the disclaimer form they would have them sign letting them know they are not responsible for any side affects, addictions, or divorces that might result. Probably wouldn't even have to pay them as long as the cocaine and Oreos kept rolling in.

Actually, instead of daydreaming about overweight people, they probably had a group meeting to find a way to get free coke and morphine and claimed they used it on the rats. Their findings were most likely the results of them being strung out and being brought down on a daily basis.  The link below here shows the effects of how people act when trying to do an interview on Coke.  If you don't want to watch the whole thing, skip to about 45 seconds.  But the entire minute is quite entertaining.


Randy Savage hopped up on Cocaine interview.

That is one of my favorite professional wrestlers from the '80s The Macho Man.  Notice at the end there when he gets that final drip running down the back of his throat.  How many Oreos will I need to eat to get that kind of high going?  My guess is 3 or 4 packages of Double Stuff Oreos.  After 3 cookies, I am usually ready to puke.  As I mentioned, sugar flavored Crisco.

I suggest at least watching some of the video story attached to the news story link above until you get to the nutritionist expert Pamela Peeke.  If you watch as she walks down the hallway you'll notice there is an air about her and a "I told you so." look.  The best part is when she starts talking.  She is either on some testosterone or is actually a man.  She or he sounds and acts like they're related to Janet Napolotano.

Surprisingly, the company that owns Oreos says you can't compare the effects of Cocaine and Oreos as the same thing.  I have to agree.  I am working on a way to get to the store right now.  I am not allowed to drive, which I can explain somewhere else along the line.  I will be heading to the snack aisle.  I will do my best to get past that 3rd Oreo.